155: On how to feel comfortable at home.

Something I discuss often is the idea that if you feel confident with your design style, with the colours you like, and the elements that are pleasing to your eye, you’ll feel comfortable and settled at home. You won’t have any of those annoying niggles and little things you’d want to change. You’ll finally be able to relax.

I still don’t disagree with this, but in thinking about design in this way, I’ve not left much room for exploration.

We know that over time fashions and trends change. We see it in clothes, interiors, music and art. Trends come and go. It’s ok to follow them, it’s perfectly fine to ignore them. 

But if you choose not to follow the trends, if you choose to pick a style you love and stick to it, you still need to allow yourself some wiggle room.

Picasso might have hit the nail on the head when he said

“Variation does not mean evolution. If an artist varies his mode of expression this only means that he has changed his manner of thinking, and in changing, it may be for the better or it may be for the worse.” 

Picasso varied his mode of expression constantly. He led art movements, he played with the boundaries and challenged himself artistically. But whatever he did, his artwork was eternally, unmistakably Picasso.

We do find comfort in our initial dabblings with our style, trying on what fits and what looks good. Sometimes, I long to put on a pair of skinny jeans and listen to the Arctic Monkeys’ first album. My millennial heart belongs to that indie scene when I was younger.

On occasion, I think about how my style evolved into a bodycon skirt and a peplum top and wonder what on earth I was thinking, but glad all of us in that generation were thinking the same thing.

Now, I’m not really sure what my style is. I just wear things I like, which to be honest are mostly pyjamas.

I give myself a lot of grace when it comes to fashion, or music but my home?

Not so much.

Often when I look back on my first foray into interiors, I cringe a little.

 “I can’t believe I did that” I think. 

I lived in rented accommodations for a long time, so there was only so much I could do. 

Nevertheless, I loved finding small ways to make my house feel more like home, but I could never explore it fully.

A few years ago, my dad passed away and I inherited his house. I moved in and slowly began the process of making it mine. It was equal parts devastating and cathartic.

I felt like I was removing my dad from his home but in all honesty, I never really felt him there. I had to permit myself to move forward and learn that by redecorating I wasn’t leaving him behind.

So I began figuring out what I liked. However, I was a bit like a magpie trying to find inspiration wherever I went and learning how to bring it into my home.

I loved a hack, I was always changing the colour of rooms and I always moved my furniture around to feel like I had something new. 

I took this to mean that I didn’t know myself, I wasn’t comfortable. I thought because I needed to constantly change things, that I hadn’t got it right. 

And in some ways, I hadn’t. My last house was repainted almost monthly, my furniture would be carried around the house like an Olympic sport and I deeply regretted the grey metro tiles in the bathroom.

I eventually sold that house and bought a new flat about 2 years ago. 

This time I was going to get it right - I planned and planned, I knew exactly what I was aiming for and I absolutely loved it. Nailed it.

Wouldn’t change a thing.

But…I’ve started to feel that itch again. I can feel myself longing for variation. I regret buying certain furniture and I wish I had more space. I’ve been all round the house making lists and rearranging furniture and candles.

I also feel like I want a little bit more colour. As a strong advocate for neutral colours, this has come as a shock to me also. 

And honestly, I’ve felt bad about it.

I’ve asked myself how can I tell people to love their style and they’ll feel comfortable when that’s not how I feel at all. 

I think the issue is, not that I don’t like my style -  I do, and honestly, I think I’ve given myself strong foundations to build on - but I need to think like Picasso and try out some new variation.

I’ve realised that my repainting walls wasn’t me not knowing - it was “varying my mode of expression”. My home is my biggest canvas. It’s my favourite place to be creative and I don’t want to redecorate because I’m not comfortable with my style, I want to redecorate because I long for a creative outlet. 

I said I’ve got strong foundations and I have. I know exactly what I like and I’ve implemented that here but that doesn’t mean I have to keep it exactly as it is.

That’s not the way forward.

It means I can continue to explore and try things out, and to me that’s where the pleasure in my home comes from.

So all this to say, I’m going to keep banging on about being comfortable with your style and the things you like and I’m going to encourage you to build those foundations. 
So if you want to keep your room like it is for years to come then you have something you love.

But if, like me, you want to try something new, then it’s not because you got it wrong the first time, it’s simply because you want to be your own Picasso.